~persnickety~

name: brittany

age: 18

location: lovely florida

my websites:

velvet-roses: my webpage :).
black mascara: random thoughts
dreambook: sign?

pitas:

disformation: kenton
hello, kitten: ashley
vignoche: kore
0rion: pal
swtfxofaddrm: isis
black_mascara: lj friends
ambient whimsy: christa

that was a pretty dumb, pointless post.
yip.

Tuesday, September 30th, 2003 8:02 p.m.

KLK WHY DON'T YOU POST?!
my gosh! at least I have the excuse of being addicted to
stupid LJ... you have none, boy, none!!
this journal is so more my real journal... sometimes LJ just
seems like a lot of it's for show. however, I have met some
fabulous people at SLC through LJ, so that's the way it
goes. and i'm so rediculously addicted to it!!
however, I am much more free in here. *heart persnick*
God, what did i do in the days of no internet? sometimes
this question just absolutely baffles me. i really don't know.
how frightening.
i am trying so hard to be open, but i just sound so dumb.
work time... i guess. there is too much of that going on here.
yay for college.

Tuesday, September 30th, 2003 8:00 p.m.

i really need to decide if i'm happy or really, really depressed.
my mood changes so quickly i really, honestly do not know.
this is the strangest i have felt in a long while.
one second i'm miserable, the next i'm so happy.
it entirely depends on other people and surroundings. how
stupid. what is up with this? it has to do with the last post too,
i keep feeling like... like i'm losing something... you know?
and if i have too much fun, it'll be gone completely.
or something. i don't know.
i just know that this is driving me crazy.

Thursday, September 18th, 2003 1:20 a.m.

now that my little world is in college, no one posts anymore.
i think this is sad, very sad. mostly because, even worse, no one is
ever online anymore. so the meaningful conversations are few
and far between with those i care about more than anything.
i thought college was supposed to be the time of computer
madness?! what is up with this. at least if people were posting
i could get some idea of what's really going on in their lives.
i mean, i'm not yelling at them 'post!' i just miss it. i understand why
they are not, but sigh. i mean, take amanda for instance - she hasn't
even been online in days and days. i have no idea how college
is going for her. man. this is just how i was afraid things would
happen. i don't know. maybe it's supposed to happen. this depresses me.
i miss people.
college is alright. i have my ups and downs, mostly ups. it's hectic
and the people are really nice and it's just what i wanted.
i guess i'm having a harder time letting go of certain things and putting
myself out there to make friends than the rest are. le sigh.
this post is depressing! the first one in so long and depressing! bah.
for random updates see my livejournal.
oh persnick, i'm sorry, but it's just so easy to post there whenever
i feel the urge!! i love you!!
la. to class i go.

Wednesday, September 17th, 2003 1:17 p.m.

i need to calm down.
just stop worring and have a little faith in my surroundings.
seriously. but all of the sudden... i'm really, really, really scared.
kenton and pal are in college, making new friends and having
a new and fantastic experience and i'm so... jealous? intimindated?
i don't know, i really don't.
i mean, i have like 4 days before i'm in the exact same situation
but for now i'm... just feeling really hollow.
God, I hope that this works out, in all respects.
i hope that Sarah Lawrence is as good to me as these schools
seem to be for them... man.
and them! they're quite frankly two of the most important people
that i have ever known and sometimes i worry that all
those stupid myths that you lose all your highschool friends
is true... i already feel like i lost amanda and john henry.
and while it hurts, it doesn't create this hollow, horrified
feeling that i get when i think about pal and kenton...
is this making any sense? basically i'm stupid and worried about
things that i shouldn't as usual.
i'm just really scared.

Monday, August 25th, 2003 11:23 p.m.

bored at work, so posting.
oh man oh man, i am suddenly griped with an insane fear
of flying in a couple days. i stupidly read an article
on how they think there will be another terrorist attack
before the end of the summer and be careful and oh now
i am so scared. i sincerely think that my brain always needs
something to worry about. but oh!!
i am so cold.

Wednesday, July 30th, 2003 2:53 p.m.

so i got my AP scores in the mail...
and i got a !5! on the AP Lit. and Comp. test!!
Holy Moly. That's the best you can do!!
Yay yay yay.
Okay, done bragging now :).

Tuesday, July 29th, 2003 5:00 p.m.

ahhhhh bored.
so today i got my first home-y college thing - towels.
*cheers* they're pretty though, cream with purple roses and
just plain purple. nice, nice.
also - posting from my bedroom!! i got a super long
powercord so i could have the internet up here.
i am so enjoying spending time in this room.
i mean, my room in FL is nice, very much more ME as i am
now... but half of it is still a porch and open to
everyone. Here, this room is all mine and it's big, and lovely.
i can't help imagining what i would have done with it
had i lived here for high school.
i bet it would have been really, really awesome.
on another note, I LOVE MY BED HERE.
i got other things, like new headphones, yet again,
and folders for my file thing. i put it together and
it's so nice! i feel so organized. it's so very cool!
mmm *settles into pillows*

Sunday, July 27th, 2003 11:42 p.m.

i am posting because kenton is mad at me.
i have no intention of abandoning persnickety!! my gosh.
it's just easier to put the little posts in lj and the
longer posts on here. my goodness, you'd think i was
betraying my mother or something.
i seem to remember kenton desterting pitas totally a long,
LONG time ago. so ha and there you go.
so - a bunch of people got SLC housing info today, and i did
not. ahem. AHHH. i am so nervous and excited and it had better
come tomorrow. i think i am skipping work to wait for the
mail. oh i hope it comes, i hope it comes, i hope it comes.
i want to play KH. kenton's mouth needs to heal. NOW.
actually i feel quite sorry for him and quite scared at the
thought that it will be me in way too soon of time. eep.
i talked to pal and john henry on the phone today and it
was so nice... i miss everyone in FL so much.
you know though, i'm kind of worried. i really got the feeling
today that things aren't ever going to be the same.
i mean, i haven't talked to amanda in forever, talking to
john henry was mostly talking of old times and such and...
i don't know. we'll never have that same... together time
that we used to, that FL group. it just won't be the same.
and, perhaps, that is not a bad thing at all.
we are all just moving on to better things... it's strange
though, to think those times will just fade away
into memories. they seemed so important then.
this post sounds kind of sad, but it's not really.
just that kind of, smiling whistfully type post.

Tuesday, July 22nd, 2003 10:51 p.m.

so, the TONS of site work I have been doing all summer
is now finally online with a new layout and everything.
click in the updates section to see all the work.
it's amazing. i'm proud.

Saturday, July 19th, 2003 10:12 a.m.

i spent the better part of today spiffing up my journal/writing
notebook thing. God i love notebooks. How you can do...
anything with them. put anything in them. write anything
you want to. it's just full of inspiration waiting to happen.
i feel better now.
pal got online access!! this is a happy event. it's just
so comforting to have him to talk to, whenever i get some
random whim that i want to tell him, i can! i miss that so
much when he's away. he has a cousin that's so nice too!
i want to meet her. i want to go to Japan. i want to go...
yeah, pretty much anywhere at this point.
but, watched bunches of 'love hina', that always makes me happy.
it's such a great show!! :).
and reading 'possession' by a.s. byatt. i think i'm going
to love it. dum de dum....

Thursday, July 18th, 2003 11:46 p.m.

time it takes to prepare to post to pitas - 3 minutes
time it takes to prepare to post to livejournal
from the nifty little program i downloaded - 20 seconds
i foresee this being a problem. the allure of livejournal
is so... tempting. esp. those communitities and the way you
can reply to entries... it's just so.. ugh.
this is bad. very bad.
in other news i'm working a lot and getting a credit
card either today or soon. it perhaps will be postponed
due to my having to get an meningitis shot this morning *gag*
i hate shots... and mom wants me to get it two weeks before
FL in case i have a reaction... a reaction?! i never even
THOUGHT of that one. oh, God.

Thursday, July 18th, 2003 10:42 a.m.

sigh. i hate feeling untalented.
every once in awhile it just seems to slam into me and
makes me feel so worthless and juvinille. God, i can't
even spell that. where is that talent that's supposed to
propell me through the next four years and the rest of
my life? there is nothing special here.
at least that's what it feels like today. last friday.
tomorrow. whatever day it hits me it's always the same
and never seems to hurt any less. i can't finish anything
and i'm obsessed with perfection - therefore i am never happy
with any of my so called 'work'.
ohh these are the thoughts that are propelled by boredum
and too much time contemplating too much.

Saturday, July 12th, 2003 11:48 p.m.

i love it when kenton comes over.
i was worried that i was going to say the wrong thing,
or seem insensitive or something, but i shouldn't have been
worried. everything was wonderful, because he is
so wonderful. i hope that he comes over more.
i had a horrible nightmare last night. it was scary.
i am worried about college again, but i'm keeping it in the
back of my mind. i really hope that it doesn't explode
out of me and ruin something or other. i keep telling myself
that everything will work out the way that it should and
all will be well. i just hope that's right.
Gosh, i want to DO something, i want to GO somewhere.
like, DC or something, just something.
everything moves so slow here compared to florida.
in florida it seems like we never sit still and here it
seems like that's all we do. don't get me wrong, sometimes
that's a good thing, but it is getting tiresome.
i haven't even been to a movie all summer. that is just
sad. very sad.
some people say i'm posting on LJ too much. this post
is dedicated to them with a playful, yet malicious, "ha!"

Saturday, July 12th, 2003 12:36 a.m.

'the thomas crown affair' was so good!
i love movies like that. yay. that put me in a much better mood.
today was an odd day. that is all.
i read a lot and worked. it was just one of those days
that you feel like you're wasting time, missing things.
i don't really have anything to post of all that much importance.
i made a pair of pants, but they're pretty eh.
i tried to learn how to knit, but i don't have the patience
to teach myself, nor the inspiration to find a teacher.
i'd really rather learn how to sew better anyway.
this post has taken on a rather blah tone.
whatever.

Thursday, July 10th, 2003 10:36 p.m.

i can't even post.
i have nothing to say that i can type out.
God, fall come quickly.

Monday, July 7th, 2003 11:41 p.m.

Things that I am worried about:
(in a very vague way of course...)
1. myself. i think i'm wasting too much time... not doing things... losing things.
2. isis.
3. doctors.
4. my family is cracking apart at the seems... not breaking, just cracks.
5. college. inevitably. i am petrified i am not going to have a place. i'm not
cool enough for this, based mostly on my lack of self confidence. worse, i know
that isis will... i am scared. really scared, deep down.
7. already i feel slipping away from people. i haven't talked to amanda in days and
days. she comes online, and we don't say a word. i don't know why!!
i don't know why this hit me all of the sudden.

Thursday, July 3rd, 2003 11:12 p.m.

the course registration sheet FINALLY came. my gosh.
i am so relieved. it's only for one course though, the rest
will be choosen once we get to school. i picked this course
on gothic literature out of these ones, i hope that i get
it, it sounds very cool. i like it when classes really make
me excited to think about them. plus, i researched the teacher
online and she's rather famous, and i like her poetry a lot.
so yay and keep your fingers crossed.
went shopping today and got some neat things, like a
game of Galaxian/Galaga for my dad because we were talking
about how much he loved that game. Tomorrow's his birthday.
er, today's his birthday :).
summer summer summer. i haven't done so many things that i wanted
to do. i am determined not to waste this time!!

Wednesday, July 2nd, 2003 1:33 a.m.

i just realized tomorrow i have to go to the dentist and
i am not looking forward to it at all. in fact, i'm very nervous.
it is wisdom teeth time. Gosh, this is going to be the summer
of doctors... my least favorite thing. yay.
kenton came over today and it was tres fun. i laugh with him
so much... he needs to come over more often!!
i am liking the computer a LOT more. i am putting all my
stuff on it as i type. *cheers*
it is so late... goodness :P.

Monday, June 30th, 2003 3:06 a.m.

i woke up this morning thinking that i was not going to
sit in front of my computer all day. and that is exactly
what i did. i admit, i was being productive, but my God.
i need to get out more. i'm so tired though.
i suppose this is summer sluggish-ness. i need a list, i work
well with lists.
kenton is back though! finally. when i'm online for long
periods of time without him it feels like ages.
downloaded the entire evanescence album, just because i could.
i admit, they are not at all what i first thought.
at least it's only that one track that has the rapping-ish
crap on it. it's mostly the girl and mostly very pretty.
it was isis' birthday... i wish i had been there. sigh.
i'm sick of summer already.
more on family ~ they're staying in va and people are ticked.
my dad is really hurt and everyone's very testy around here.
i don't know what's going to happen. it's odd.
uhh, my head is swimming with too much html floating around in it.
later all, it's late.

Sunday, June 29th, 2003 12:33 a.m.

so i went to the doctor today for my big college physical!
everything's going okay, they check everything, ask a bunch of questions,
and draw some blood at the end. nothing too bad. then the
nurse comes in and says they forgot to do my eyes, so i lept
up and followed her outside and started to read the letters
on the board. then i started to notice that the letters
were getting blurry and i suddenly felt very sick to my
stomach. i remember thinking "i think this is what happens
to someone right before they faint..."
and then i did.
i slammed into a wall and apparently someone caught me before
i hit the ground and got me back into the exam room.
after that, i was a little woozy but otherwise okay...
how bizzare is that?? very strange. i'd never fainted before.
mom's convinced it was because i don't eat enough, but i think
it was because of nerves and such, plus not eating breakfast.
well, and the blood being drawn, of course.
i am so scared of doctors.
it looks like meg is going to the dreaded HSH. bah.
don't want to talk about it. it's a mess.
off to take pictures for pal! :).

Friday, June 27th, 2003 11:53 p.m.

well... i was waiting around for pal to come online (he is
getting cable today!) but perhaps they are not coming
until very much later in the day. it's like... almost 2pm there?
maybe i am too early. oh well. if i get up early tomorrow
morning, i might catch him! :).
arugh, i miss him so much. blah.
today was an okay day, very up and down. it started out
pretty poor with squabbling and such but later on, mom
and i went out to lunch and then to a used book shop where
i got taltos - anne rice, possesion - a.s. byatt, les
liaisons dangereuses - choderlos de laclos, pale fire- nabokov,
the exact same book that we used for japanese kanji in school,
a kidney thieves cd, a sinead o'conner cd, and a 10,000 maniacs
cd... all for about $25 total. not bad, not bad at all.
after that we went to a very beautiful, cool store uptown
that was slightly pricy, but brandy has promised me something
from it for graduation and i am now very excited.
you know, a while ago, we were talking about fallback plans
if our number one career dreams do not come true... and i
think perhaps if i cannot be an actress i would like to own
a shop like that. filled to the brim with gorgeous, creative,
and unique things. and i could sit in there and write and read and
have time to do anything i wanted to do. maybe i'll do it
anyway after my name's in lights, etc. etc. ;).
i then came home and rode my bike (score!)
and watched a documentary on male ballet dancers that was
great fun, esp. with meg too.
and after that, while waiting for pal, i redid v-r.net.
i know, i know. but it's cool and pretty and uses 'theatre
of tragedy' lyrics, which is always good.
there are also a few small changes in the links of persnickety. yay.
lovely evening all.

Thursday, June 19th, 2003 1:06 a.m.

i have discovered that i rather like offices and office
stuff. staples, and copy machines, and stamps,
etc. etc. etc. and i like filing. i feel so productive for
doing so very little. therefore, my job this summer is working
out very nicely. today was my first day, and well... it
gets me out of the house. i also got out my old bike
and road around a bit yesterday. yay. can you tell i'm trying
to keep busy? yes. and productive.

Tuesday, June 17th, 2003 11:43 p.m.

ahhh, good day!! kenton came over and we had a fun
time of fun. laughing about old times and giggling like
crazy and stuff. it was great :)!!
i also ordered my camera! i'm excited. i wonder when it shall
be here. it took absolutely forever though.
i am working on a piece of writing that i really like
and might make into something i can give people or sell at
places. i have some really good ideas for it. i dunno
how it sounds though, i'm going to have the all powerful kenton
and pal and isis read it and give me some insights.
umm... i think that's it! love.

Monday, June 16th, 2003 8:26 p.m.

i really should think things out more before i do them.
so i call pal's grandmother's house for the first time
in japan and low and behold, his grandmother answers.
well what did i THINK was going to happen??
of course, she answers in japanese and she's like
"hai?" and i'm like "um.".. "moshi moshi?".."um... hi? is pa.. trick...
... there?" and i think she at least knew who it was
that was calling and if i understood right pal wasn't
there, he was... outside? something? i'm sure they're
having a great laugh over me this very minute, but
oh well, she sounded like a very nice lady.
i, however, just sounded a little ditzy. sigh.
by the way, i'm in FL for like two days. packing for college!
yay. i hope kenton's graduation was fantastical!
time for sleep. it's just wrong to be here without pal.

Wednesday, June 11th, 2003 11:25 p.m.

i really hate not bring able to talk to or e-mail pal
whenever a random thing comes up that i want to tell him.
so, i've taken to keeping a little notebook here and writing
down random things i think of to put in a letter later.
is that sad? a little bit, i suppose. i miss him.
kenton and i had a nice day just talking online, and
doing random stuff. we got a lot of stuff done, i'm impressed with us!
but now i am tired. goodnight all.

Sunday, June 8th, 2003 11:25 p.m.

lots of site work going on, redid v-r.net again, yay!
and some other little stuff.
i've been addicted to same_oh on livejournal.
it's fun stuff, check it out. at least it gets you
writing, which i need.
yesterday i read a book about past life regression and it
was facinating. i'm highly interested, i want more reading.
i liked the scientific/with heart way that the results were relayed.
very professional and not at all rediculous sounding.
i hate it when so called "new age" books just sound like
the sterotypes people put on them. they have a lot of
fantastic things to say a lot of the time, just very
poorly written. it's a shame. i do love them though.
read the whole book in less than two hours, if that says anything.
i want my digital camera to be here. i want the mail!!

Sunday, June 8th, 2003 5:43 p.m.

you know, i was having a pretty blah day and then pal
calls from japan and everything is just so delightful again.
i love him. i love to hear him laugh. i love everything.
God, two MONTHS?! help.

Thursday, June 5th, 2003 11:23 p.m.

most of those who read this know that i am now in VA.
and very, very sad. pal is off to japan for 2 months, and
it is going to be very hard. i cried a lot yesterday.
i really don't want to write about that though. suffice it
to say that i REALLY REALLY miss him.
but i admit, it was great to see kenton so happy to see me :).
this morning before flying out i had an eye exam and got
two new pairs of glasses for the price of one. i can't
find them on the site, but they are rather cool.
black frames and purple frames. i figure why not have more
fun with my glasses since i hardly ever wear them anyway.
after that dad and i jetted off into the wild blue yonder
and i miss everyone so much. mom and meg are coming tomorrow
though. pal leaves for japan on the 4th.
i did just talk to him on the phone though, hearing his voice
makes me really happy. yes yes :).
i am looking at stuff i want to get this summer.
the good thing is that it's all actually feasable.
this beauty makes me want to
dance. and thistoo. and i might be actually getting them.
let's hope so! :).
i should go to bed... i slept a lot on the plane though.
la. in va for the summer, i am.

Tuesday, June 2nd, 2003 11:29 p.m.